Just a heads up I am in no way qualified to write these so what I did was I went through and got together all the birthdays in the calendar app on my phone and if you’re one of them then I guess I’m writing to you.
Aries
Stop defecating on the couches of those who’ve shown you kindness and hospitality. If you’re a human, I mean it metaphorically, of course. If you’re my kittens, however, it’s quite literal.
Taurus
It is impossible to live the life you want because wanting always leads to wanting more. Live the life you need. Also consider smoking weed.
Gemini
Consider stopping smoking weed.
Cancer
Throw your phone out the window while whipping down windy backroads at a responsible but limit-exceeding speed. Take a chance on a new outlook, especially if it seems silly. Peaceful people might not be insane. Peace may well be in reach. 
Leo
Have a conversation with a small child in which you don’t subconsciously relish in the power dynamic. Realizing children have their shit together as much as anyone is such a beautiful thing.
Virgo
Self centeredness is our default setting, which is a shame, because then, when the whole world goes to shit, ours does, as well. Separate yourself from the whole while honoring the sameness between the world and you. If your world ends, it will be okay. If the world ends, you will be, too.
Libra
You may feel like the Illuminati is conspiring to ensure your life leaves no impact and ends alone. Don’t take it personally. It is true for everyone and everything. The only impact we can leave is love, in any given moment, given unconditionally.
Scorpio
Don’t coddle your ego after it takes a beating, but don’t be too hard on it, either. Maintain respectful distance, like a coach to a team. Give it helping hands and ass slaps and CTE therapy. Bruises are healthy reminders of our own impermanence.
Sagittarius
Don’t try so hard to keep the night from coming in. Open the doors to the outside world. Let owls perch on your floodlights and possums shit on your porch.
Capricorn
Be yourself. But not in the precocious cliché way. In the dancing around a fire pit painting aliens on cave walls way. Crack a Capri Sun. Happy B Day. *<:-)
Aquarius
Don’t worry about the way others go about it. We’re all going the same way, but there’s more than one way to get there, and no one else’s way says anything about you. So enjoy the diverse perspectives when passing through cities and, alone in the woods, take in the clean air and views.
Pisces
You can buy a human a fish. You can teach a human to fish. But you can’t teach a fish to make a yin yang symbol with another fish, or bribe it to, either… unless you’re in touch with the ethereal flow of the current of being, in which case, you can do anything. So go touch a fish, I guess. Or fuck one, if you’re the protagonist from The Pisces. I don’t know. I’ve never met a Pisces in my life. I don’t know what y’all need.
