As part of our eternal downward spiral into post-Fordist tastelessness, we blew up your inbox on Jesus Christ’s birthday to announce the release of our NFT collection. I know. I threw up a bit just writing that sentence. Nevertheless, now, we’re intruding into your celebration of the New Year with a 2022 resolution for you:
Be a sn0b.
Much like the aforementioned savior of mankind, sn0bs™ sprang out fully formed from the not-so-virginous womb of our collective consciousness. (Which, to be fair, has been fucked by the powers that be and our own base nature so many times over now I’ve lost count.) But this time, ’twas the unholy matrimony of generational disillusionment, entitled little bitchery, and overplayed pop culture references that produced something which may (or, you know, definitely may not) be the key to saving us all.
sn0bs exist as reminders of our own nuanced fluidity and inherent similarities. Be it beliefs, ego, identity, or memes, we all try to find ourselves in the same things. Yet all it takes is a handful of tweaks to create a billion uniquities. Here’s what you get when you buy one:
- A 5000 x 5000 PNG PFP steeped in memetics and irony so you can wear your detached superiority on your sleeve – or, at least, social media feed.
- IP rights to your sn0b, so if you want to make it into a t-shirt and wear it on your literal sleeve and become a living meme, well, by all means.
- A UniPro™ gallery to display your creative work or art collection, with streamlined access to our forthcoming NFT discovery platform – so, literally, free advertising and exposure to customers and fans.
- Instant membership and access to the world’s first centralized autonomous organization. What is a CAO? Really, just our satirical nod to the paradoxical hypocrisy of DAOs. Organization implies centralization. Full stop. But rather than centering ours around whoever buys the rarest or most expensive sn0b, we’re centering it around you. All funds generated by NFT sales will be reinvested into marketing our members – building brands for curators, profit for collectors, and momentum for creators.
- A community of people bringing their visions into focus without obscuring anyone else’s. We believe the barter system beats capitalism in every way, and with enough visionaries together in one (chat) room, we can all bring our ideas to life fuller and better than on our own. Basically, if you have a creative bone in your body and don’t want to come up alone? Be a sn0b.
But that’s just the job description. Where to begin with the perks? The yearly banger? The revenue shares? A starring role in the eventual, inevitable adult animated cartoon? Who knows? The future is ours to control.
We will release a new season of 256 sn0bs biannually on whatever NFT platform we’re patronizing ironically at the moment. There’s no cap on the total. Like Yeezys, despite the initial exclusivity, we believe in sn0bs for all, should any/everyone want them. But if you’re interested in getting in on the ground floor, snatch one up now at a base price of 1 SOL. Yeah. We price match even the Devil.
View or purchase the available sn0bs here.
And please. Have a happy, nondenominational, totally-not-apocalyptic new year.